Salt and Regrets

It’s been close to a month since our last post, back when we were able to Skype with C for the first time, and if you’ve followed along with us for long you’ll know that’s pretty par for the course in the adoption world! For the most part, the adoption process is mostly paperwork and waiting. And we’re at the end of paperwork, and maybe towards the end stages of the waiting, as well. Maybe.

There’s been so much uncertainty with the pandemic and how it affects international adoptions. We were hopeful that ours would be minimally impacted, but it’s possible that it could delay us much longer than it already has. And what I’ve been wrestling with is holding to faith in our waiting. And more than just trusting that God is in control, but being a living testimony to his goodness even in situations that seem anything but good.

Scripture has a way of cutting to the core of our issues, and I’m humbled and encouraged that a former student of ours posted her interpretation of Matthew 5:13-16 that was exactly what I needed. Matthew 5:13-16 says:

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.”

Her words were simple and sufficient, so with her permission, here is her post:

salt & light 🧂💡
as a follower of Jesus, I am called to be the salt of the earth, but what does that even mean? In the Church, we often talk about being the light of the world, and that makes sense to me because the world is full of darkness – anyone could agree with that.
but salt?
in Matthew 5:13-16, Jesus asks how salt can be made salty again if it loses its taste? He goes on to say that salt without its preserving and flavoring abilities is worthless. As a believer, my life mission should be to bring life to people and hope to hard situations. If I’m not, I am worthless.
am I doing that? To be honest, I’m not sure.
if you relate to this, you’re not alone. Now is the time to re-evaluate what your life mission is. Are you living for yourself and your dreams? Or are you being light in a dark world and living for Jesus?

-Faith Morgan

I want to do exactly as Faith wrote: I want to reflect life and hope through C’s adoption process. I want to answer inquiring questions about when we will get to bring her home with grace and steadfast peace because I know Who is in control. That doesn’t mean I don’t long to have C home now, that I don’t dream about the day I get to hold her and tell her that I love her and she will never be alone ever again. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the deep desire to run to her in spite of a historic pandemic manifesting itself literally in her backyard (and ours). Those desires are from God, too- they are a part of Shane and I’s heart as parents- as C’s parents. That’s a gracious gift from God, to feel that way for a little girl we’ve never met- it’s God’s love manifesting in human vessels.

This time of waiting reminds me of our time of waiting in Nigeria for Ruth’s adoption, while we were waiting for her visa to be approved. I have many regrets about my faith during that time, and the Lord sent another mercy to me that same day in the form of a song by Tenth Avenue North – Greater Than All My Regrets. Particularly the lyrics “If I bend and if I break, I’ll trust the hands that hold me Are greater than all my regrets…” I was pitiful as we waited for Ruth’s visa to come home. As in, I felt as if I were in a pity-party most of the day, almost all days. It was a hard season, no doubt. But I wasn’t “salty” in that season- and I wanted desperately to be exactly that in this similar yet totally different season of waiting in C’s adoption.

We started her process in September of 2018. We fully expect to go get her next month, if not this summer. But it’s not unthinkable that we would pass that 2 year mark without bringing home our little bug. Do I want that? Not a bit, I want her home like last year. But this time, I want speak to our timeline, however longer it may stretch, with an attitude of expectant hope and other-worldly peace. The desires of our hearts are to have her home, and it will happen in God’s good timing, and we will rest in that truth as we endure a wait with no end date in Hid grace.

We did receive an update on C recently, with some very wonderful news. She is able to swallow liquids with a spoon and no thickener, which is a huge praise! She is also improving developmentally and physically. She can run, not without falls, but she is able to do much more than she could even a few months ago! And we will be Skyping with her again on May 26, we are so excited for the opportunity to see and talk to her again. It is definitely something to look forward to in the wait!

Thank you for praying with us, and waiting with us. We feel God’s strength and support through you all: far and near. We pray for an end to the waiting very soon, and the joyful introduction to our third little Haff, and to begin our life as a family of five all on the same continent, under the same roof, forever and always.

P.S. Happy Anniversary to my partner in all things: Shane. 8 years have come and gone since our vows, which were pretty stinking awesome, and each day with you is sweeter than the day before, no matter what we do. Thank you for all the happiness you have brought to my life, I can’t even begin to dream of how wonderful the next 92 anniversaries will be. XoXoX Your Beth